John Fanzine | The International Cloud Registry

Dear Reader,

The natural world is a beautiful place – a place where gentle mother nature gets to show off her love and beauty wherever it may occur, through the gifts she brings to her children – the earth – via eg. the gifts of beautiful trees, flowers, smiling birds and animals, laughter in the mouths of some babies, relaxing seaside, dolphin, lovely lovely sunshine lighting up some romantic hills etc.
— and clouds.

For what greater gift could anyone choose to show their love than to pay to name one of nature’s very own beautiful clouds after their very own lovely sweetheart, immediately?

Yes! You can now immortalise the name of your nearest and/or dearest for all eternity by OFFICIALLY naming a REAL LIVE CLOUD in their honour for a SPECIAL LOW PRICE!


“Tracey”	“Anne Widdecombe”	“h0rny_grrl78”	“Kev is gay”

— just some of the hundreds of clouds we’ve registered so far this year

All newly registered cloud owners will receive our special cloud owners pack, including:

An OFFICIAL framed certificiate certifying ownership of your chosen cloud, along with its type, location and official name, written in a lovely swirly typeface and with a lovely offical looking red seal of “authenticity” on it.

An OFFICIAL high quality framed photograph of your cloud, with its new OFFICIAL name professionally printed on it in Comic Sans.

A unique leather-bound edition of an OFFICIAL teletext weather report featuring YOUR cloud on the day you bothered to register it.

A voucher for up to 5% off the price of a wide selection of OFFICIAL International Cloud Registry merchandise, including this season’s must-have “I named a cloud after a loved one’ 100% cotton T-shirt and high quality double sided “I named a cloud after a loved one” car stickers, available in electric red, saffron blue and pillarbox yellow.

Naming a cloud via the International cloud registry makes an ideal gift for the overly sentimental/gullible person in your life.

But don’t take our word for it — take the word of these people who agree with us:

	“When I bought my girlfriend an alto-stratus for her birthday she was absolutely speechless! So much so, in fact, that she hasn’t said a word to me for over six months. Thankyou ICR!” Dortmund Phlobb, Wrexham

“Having been fascinated by meteorology since an early age, I jumped at the chance to name a real live cloud after my cat, Cumulo Nimbus.”

Wilson Prance, Chigley

“When I got divorced the International Cloud Registry renamed my cloud back to my maiden name in under 48 hours completely free of charge!* Excellent service!”

Betsey Trotwood (née Rabjohn), Woomerah
* Subject to seventy five pound administration charge + VAT.

“I named an arse-shaped cloud after my ex-wife and there’s nothing she can do about it.”

Gunga Din Trotwood, Papua New Guinea

So don’t delay! Register your cloud today!

I would like to name a cloud after my nearest and/or dearest.

(please delete as appropriate)

Please register me a

cloud

under the name

for the special introductory price of just £129.95 + VAT

Name

Address

Credit card number

I understand that if I am not completely happy with my cloud I may either exchange it for one of equal value within 28 days of registration or lump it.

Disclaimer: Registered cloud names are included in the International Cloud Registry’s records only and are not formally recognised by the scientific/meteorological community, the BBC Met Office nor any of its employees, past or present, with the possible exception of David Icke.