Repertoire:
1. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The Pied Piper of Hamlin
2. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Rapunzel
3. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Snow White
4. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The Story of Christmas
5. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer







Tales from the Gloopy Minstrel

Are you listening to my pint?

Another fine fable from under the table



Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

O nce upon a time there was this bird called Snow White, who lived under a bridge with seven dwarves. Now, the names of the swarves, eh? Sorry, dwarves were Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Greedy, Sneezy and Doc.

Now, one day the...

No, hang on I've missed one. Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Greedy, Sneezy, Grumpy and Doc. One two three four five six... Seven. Yeah that's right.

Anyway, as I was saying, one day the dwarves all go to work down this mine, digging for... No, damn it, I've got grumpy twice. What was the other one? Ugly? No, that wasn't it. Fattie? That's the same as greedy, I s'pose... Er...

I said Doc, didn't I? Oh yeah, I did... Erm... Sexy? Yeah, that'll do. It doesn't really matter anyway. Okay then, from the top...



Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

O nce upon a time there was this bird called Snow White, who lived under a bridge with seven dwarves. Now, the names of the dwarves were Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Greedy, Sneezy and Doc. And Sexy.


Now, one day they all go to work down this mine, digging for gold or coal or whatever it is that dwarves eat.

Anyway, while they're doing this, there's this witch up a tower somewhere, and she's got this crystal ball and she's asking it all sorts of questions and she says "crystal ball, in the hall, who's the tastiest lass of all?" and the crystal ball says "It's that Snow White bird who lives under that bridge with them dwarves. Phwaor! Well fit!" or something like that anyway.

Anyway, this pisses, sorry this annoys the witch (sorry, I've been told to tone the language down) and she decides to just go and kill Snow White and all the dwarves, just for that! What a bitch! (sorry)



S o, she gets to the mine where all the dwarves are and the first dwarf she sees is Greedy, so she says, "Hey, Greedy, do you want these apples?" and of course, being Greedy he eats all the apples and it turns out they're all poisoned!

I mean, Duh! You'd think he could have seen that one coming, what with her being a witch and everything.

But anyway, he's dead, so she goes and finds Sneezy next, and she just, I dunno, gives him flu or something and he sneezes himself to death. So that's him dealt with.

Next is Dopey, and she just tells him to kill himself and he's so thick that he does. Simple.

After that she stabs Doc with a scalpel (get it?) and then gets Happy and Grumpy to laugh and sulk themselves to death somehow. (I don't really get those last two, but she's a witch so I guess she uses spells or something)

How many's that? One two three four five... Six.

One more... Oh yeah, Sexy. She, well, this is a kid's story so, yeah, she just... you know. Ask yer mum.

And that's all the dwarves killed off, so you think it's the end of the story, but right at the end there's this really sick bit where Snow White's head turns up in a cardboard box. Eeurgh!

And that's it.

TThe End


S leepy! That's it! Not Sexy. Sleepy. I always forget him.











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