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Saturday 19th Sep 1998

requested by A. Pike of Oxford

with the Reverend Daniel O'Shelves
the Reverend Daniel o'Shelves

"I'm in love with a solopsist but she doesn't know I exist."

Britain's Ley Lines "Worst in Europe"

07.02.02 08:17:33 GMT Reporter: Glen Lyon

Ley lines in certain parts of Britain are becoming so congested with hippies, travellers and mildly frightening-looking people with coat hangers that the government has today announced a multi-million pound ten year ley line building programme.

Dowse-y fuckers: Lanky ley line loving layabouts
"We aim to extensively extend the ley line infrastructure across the UK" the right honourable Xavier Treborne, minister for ley lines, healing crystals and new age mumbo-jumbo told us.

"Recent reports show, in particular, that a certain two mile section of 'St Michael's Line' in Wiltshire is so congested that it is close to collapse."

"This section of line will be closed for six weeks to prepare for the construction of a bypass ley line between Glastonbury and Avebury, which should be open by 2004. This should relieve pressure on the existing line."

In addition to extending the network the government plan to renovate many sections of existing line which are in urgent need of repair.

"Years of underinvestment have resulted in the UK's ley line network becoming one of the worst in Europe" the minister told us.

"Many sections of line around the country will have to be strengthened and/or replaced."

In addition, a ten mile section in the Scottish Highlands will be dug up and re-routed, in order to reduce a potentially dangerous build up of psychic energy around Lochaber.

A spokesman for Greenpeace told us that they had not yet worked out whether to lie in front of the diggers or join in.


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