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Sunday 11th Sep 1983

requested by F. Aitken of Swansea

with the Reverend Daniel O'Shelves
the Reverend Daniel o'Shelves

"Jesus loves you. He's just not in love with you."

Official: The Sun Has Got His Hat On

24.04.01 01:55:20 GMT Reporter: Chlamydia Bexley

Astronomers around the world are literally "over the moon" following a revolutionary new discovery, made by researchers at the Los Alamos solar observatory in the early hours of last Saturday morning, UK time.

According to Professor Tod Clock, senior research scientist at the facility, a series of images recently obtained from their state-of-the-art multi-refracting solar telescope seem to indicate the presence of an "anomalous object" in close proximity to our local star.

"The object appears to be approximately 350,000 kilometres in length, and is situated well within the stellar corona" he explained.

"We'll need to conduct further analyses before we can obtain a definite identification, however our initial observations seem to point to the object being a hat of some sort."

High hat : Heliocentric headgear hits the headlines
Space scientists around the globe are already celebrating the amazing new discovery with a series of impromptu champagne parties, held in observatories and laboratories in every part of the world.

At one particularly boisterous bash, held at NASA's jet propulsion laboratory in Florida, we asked one of the assembled boffins what they made of the new observations. "Hip hip hip hooray!" is all he could reply.

The reason for the sudden appearance of the sun's "hat" remains open to speculation, though Professor Clock has already tentatively proposed one possible explanation.

"We cannot, at this stage, rule out the possibility that the sun is coming out to play" he told us.


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