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Saturday 28th Jan 1984

requested by V. Yates of West Lothian

with the Reverend Daniel O'Shelves
the Reverend Daniel o'Shelves

"The Devil's in the detial."

Space - Now 20% Bigger!

12.06.03 07:22:05 GMT Reporter: Bruin deBeer

A press release from the marketing division of the Royal Astronomical society.

Dear Reader,

The ever quickening pace of modern life has crammed our world with the technological wonders that make modern life possible.

Picture included for illustration only
Satellites, DNA and polyphonic ring tones - all unthinkable only a century before - are now as much a part of life as chimney sweeps and rickets were just a hundred years ago.

Science continues to enrich our lives with its labour saving devices - enabling us to do even more things in less time than it used to take us to do just half as much, or even less.

Couple this with the increasing popularity of flexible working hours and voluntary redundancy and there's no doubt at all that we have a lot more time on our hands these days!

But what about space? Now that's a different story.

Whether you're a London motorist vainly seeking that ever elusive parking space or a Tokyo parent struggling to bring up three children in an appartment the size of a wheelie bin, the facts are clear:

We could all use a bit more of that, please!

That's why today's announcement from the eggheads at Greenwich is so exciting.

Put simply, a recalculation of the Hubble constant (the number that tells boffins how much sky there is) has resulted in the surprising discovery that the universe is approximately 1.205* times bigger than previously thought -


Needless to say, this revelation has taken the astronomical community by its knees. Professor Saul Eggs, the uncompromisingly bald head of astrophysics at Dronfield University, spoke for every scientist on the planet when he described his reaction:

"I were gobsmacked" he told us.

But it's not just bespectacled geniuses in white coats who have cause to celebrate today's discovery.

Every man (or her) in the street can now take comfort in the fact that the oft sought after "little bit of extra space" is now right at the place where they always needed:

"Beneath our very noses".

*Value correct at time of going to press. Offer of 20% free space applies only to corporeal beings living within the current spatial confines of the physical universe born during or after its creation at the beginning of time. Extra space is provided "as is". No warranty is offered or implied. No monetary alternative available. The Royal Astronomical Society reserve the right to recalculate the value of the Hubble constant at any time without prior notice. The Royal Astronomical Society is an equal opportunities employer and seeks to determine the physical properties of the universe irrespective of the race, religion or frame of reference of the observer. Terms and conditions do not apply.


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