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Sunday 9th Sep 1984

requested by C. Crabtree of Herefordshire

with the Reverend Daniel O'Shelves
the Reverend Daniel o'Shelves

"Kill all the ducks. Put them in a "duck museum".

Charge all the people a buck and a half just to see 'em."

"Everything's Twice As Big As We Think It Is"

06.04.04 11:44:08 GMT Reporter: R. Euler

A group of researchers have stunned the scientific community by announcing that absolutely everything is twice as big as previously thought.

Everything: Now 100% bigger
The team of eminent physicists, led by Professor Saul Eggs of Dronfield University's Untenable Research Gazebo, published the controversial new theory yesterday in the journal Stuff.

According to their paper "Previous generations of scientists have consistently miscalculated the underlying base metric of the spatial universe by a factor of exactly 100%" and as a result "All objects, without exception, are therefore twice the size we all thought they were".

Reactions to the theory have so far been mixed, with many female undergraduates at Dronfield pointing out that Professor Eggs has a long history of claiming that things are larger than they really are.

When asked why it had taken so long for scientists to discover that everything was twice as big as previously thought Professor Eggs explained that "it applies to rulers as well".


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