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Copyright

CLASSIC WEATHER

Monday 18th Jan 1982

requested by O. Aitken of North Yorkshire

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
with the Reverend Daniel O'Shelves
the Reverend Daniel o'Shelves

"Stop it! Your behaviour is against my religion!"

"Kids Might Smell" Says Scientist

08.11.99 02:20:39 GMT Reporter: Propensity Cock

Kids, youngsters and children all came under fire today, when a leading academic revealed his latest and most controversial theory about them: They probably stink like shit.

"Children can often be seen running around" explained Professor Saul Eggs, of Dronfield University's spurious research facility.

"This must inevitably lead to their becoming quite sweaty." he continued, "And they probably run into smelly things as well, and play in dog excrement." he added.

Pungent: Bairns
Reactions to the professor's ideas have so far been mixed, with several of his critics pointing out that Professor Eggs has never actually seen a child.

A leading spokesman for the Japanese tourist board, however, Mr Osaka P'Tayto agreed with the new theory, telling us "Children in many parts of this world have been found to smell quite strongly. They should be gently culled."

But Benjy Christ, 12, a spokesman for children, denied this.

"It's the old people that stink, like.", he insisted, "With their colostomy bags and smelly arses and that."

This article is now sleepy.



 



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