04:00 - 06:30 A Selection of Pages from the Internet
Includes incorrectly antialiased clip art, poorly tiled backgrounds, General MIDI versions of Celine Dion songs and gratuitous use of Comic Sans which some viewers may find offensive.

06:30 Bod: The Animated Series
Animated series based on the animated series.

07:00 Football Football Football!
Football.

11:45 More Football More Football More Football!
More Football.

17.00: Are You Being Severed?
Light hearted comedy set during the French revolution.
Starring John Inman as the hilariously camp executioner, Jacques Le Chopper.

17:55 Golden Oldie Rose Tint Recalibration Zone
Old television shows updated to make them as good as you remember them. This week: Monty Python's Flying Circus.
Includes additional material by Armando Iannucci, more of Gilliam's animations and a lot less of Eric Idle and the "Deja Vu" sketch.

18:30 Tennis Tennis Tennis!
Football.

22:00 I'm a Television Producer - Get Me Out of Here!
A group of cynical media wankers are locked in a room together for twenty four hours a day and aren't let out until they come up with some idea for yet another moronic barrel-scraping "reality" TV show to peddle to the fuckwitted shit-for-brains arsewits who are currently watching this one.
Contains scences of graphic pointlessness and some mild fuckwittery.

23:00 FILM: Robocop,
The Censor's Cut
Pointless version of Paul Verhoeven's science fiction classic with all the violence and swearing taken out.

23:05 Pigs Might Fly
Half arsed speculative biology.

00:00 Close

08:00 Yo! Doctrine the House!
Painfully earnest religious programme aimed at under 18s.
Features a grinning youngish vicar wearing intentionally "casual" clothes, insultingly simplistic attempts to make Christian scripture seem relevant to the problems of present day urban teens and an indescribably awful Christian hip hop artiste bollocking on about his "homie JC" and how everyone should be "in da house" of God.

10:00 Bagpuss V Scooby
Unnecessarily confrontational hybrid of two classic children's shows.

10:30 Computing for Dummies
Part 3: "Encryption for wknraes"

11:15 Operation Enduring Freedom on Ice

12:59 Head and Shoulders Commercial (Repeat)
Thirty second advertisement for a well known hair care product.

13:00 Programmes for the Hard of Hearing (Repeat)
Everything that was on this morning slightly louder.

18:00 Pencil Borrowing
Live from Greenland.

From midnight:
The Window Shopping Channel
Demonstrations of a wide variety of products, none of which are for sale to the public.

00.05 Military Geiger Counters

00:10 Tactical Nuclear Weapons

00:15 Baby Giraffes

00:20 NASA Space Probes

00:30 Knighthoods

00:35 The Atlantic Ocean

00:40 Slaves

00:45 The Space Shuttle Atlantis

00:50 Experimental AIDS Vaccines

01:00 Close

07:00 Trisha
"My girlfriend has no intrinsic mass"

07:30 Watching Paint Dry
Breathtakingly tedious interior design show.

18:00 Trisha
"I look a bit like a cormorant"

18:30 The Lotto Draw (Repeat)

18:45 Trisha
"I just can't stop burning hats!"

19:15 Absolutely Fabulous
Ironically titled comedy.

20:00 Trisha
"I'm not quite sure what a thermocouple is"

20:30 Michael Barrymore's "These Hilarious Thick" (Repeat)
Another chance to enjoy the popular series where Barrymore ripped the piss out of ordinary members of the public. In tonight's particularly hilarious episode, many of the "contestants" have regional accents or are of above pensionable age!

21:00 "Byte to Eat" Night
Bizarre evening's viewing consisting entirely of shows which attempt to combine computer science and cookery.

21:05 Can't Program, Won't Program

21:35 Ken Hom's Hot Wokstation

22:00 Ready, Steady, COBOL!

22:30 Yan Can Code

22:55 Floyd on FORTRAN

23:30 Tastes of the C

00:05 Nigella Bytes

00:30 Trisha
"My girlfriend still has no intrinsic mass"

01:00 Close

09:00 Racist Fort Boyard
Bigoted version of the popular game show.

10:00 Bungee Mountaineering
New extreme sport, where competitors are attached to tethered bungee cords and then attempt to climb as far as possible up a mountain before the force of the ever tightening elastic band finally becomes too strong to fight against and tears them from the rock face, smashing them to pieces on the rocks below.

12:30 The World's Most Extreme Theme Park Rides
Review of a new "ride" at Alton Towers which involves queuing up for three and a half hours to have a couple of blokes hold you down while another drops breeze blocks on your head.

13:30 International Bomb Wrestling
Live from Berwick upon Tweed.

16:00 Auntie's EXTREME Bloomers
Includes footage of Tommy Cooper's fatal heart attack, the death of the man who was killed on Noel Edmonds' show in the 1980s and that woman who was sacked for swearing at SuperTed.

17:05 Springer: Loaded
New series of Jerry Springer's popular talk show in which participants are given free access to automatic weapons.

18:00 A Question of Having a Live Chicken Nailed to Your Face for No Readily Apparent Reason

19:00 The Great Egg Race
Ovulation against the clock.

20:00 Truth or Swear
Live footage of the general public telling our camera crew to fuck off.

22:00 Pingu
The one where he pisses everywhere.

22:15 Ambient Porn
Late night hardcore pornography with a chill-out soundtrack.

02:00 Close